the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
