oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I look better un-naked...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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