just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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