none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I think I am morally bankrupt
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
