beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
