he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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