SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
