I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
