This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Congratulations! We have a period
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
