Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
