i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
