I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
