I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
