we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
