My room smells like vodka and shame
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
