It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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