either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
