I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
