He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
