im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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