Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You made out with two different species that night
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
