I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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