He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
