you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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