Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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