Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
