I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
