There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Drunk is not a location!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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