so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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