alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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