Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
