Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
