i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
