dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
