I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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