I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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