I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
