I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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