Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
