Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
