I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
