and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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