where am i from again
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Come on in and take your pants off
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