well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
