I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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