shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I looked at my own cervix.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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