Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
