did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
