The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
