There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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