the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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